Madame President

“There’s always a story, always a chain of events that makes everything make sense.”- Rick Castle

I love this quote from the first episode of Castle that aired in March 2009. Maybe its the writer in me, but I love the idea that everyone has a story, something that shaped who they are today. In the episode Castle saying this is followed by a thorough bringing to size of Becket- he tells her, without knowing how accurately he hit it, her story, what makes her her. I recently watched this episode with a friend, in our effort to watch all four seasons this summer, and  it got me thinking about my own story. What shaped me into the person I am today? What makes me ME? I’m not sure I know myself. It would be so easy to take shallow surface things and say that that is why I am the way I am. Sure, my parents horrible divorce made me scared of marriage, and my grandparents constant, never-ceasing support for the first [14.75]17 years of my life is the reason I have the little confidence I do. But really, that’s something anyone who has spent any time with me can tell. What’s the deeper story, the “chain of events that makes everything make sense” in my life? What events, big and small, long ago and very recent, are the reason I am who I am? I wish I could tell you. I wish I could write my own story, give myself my happily every after, tie everything up nice and neat before moving on to the next story waiting to be written. Life isn’t that simple though. Maybe, in 60 or 70 years I’ll be able to look back and see exactly what my story is, but right now it’s not so easy to see the story. Maybe it’s because my story is still being written, I’m still being shaped into the person I’m going to be.

“I am unwritten, can’t read my mind, I’m undefined

I’m just beginning, the pen’s in my hand, ending unplanned”

(Source: thirdtimesacharm33)

Something a bit different…

What do I believe?

I believe in sunshine, flowers and spring days.

I believe that better days are just around the corner.

I believe in hope.

I believe in love.

I believe in rainy days, sitting by the fire.

I believe laughter is the best medicine.

I believe.

I believe in faith

I believe in friendship, family and loyalty.

I believe in try and try again.

I believe that risking our hearts is the reason we’re alive.

I believe in hard work’s value.

I believe.

Last October I was driving around the Northeast visiting law schools with friends of mine from college. More than once the topic of a bucket list came up and I said I should really make one, but never did. Well here goes nothing!

1. Be in Times Square for NYE

2. See elephants in the wild.

3. Tour Italy.

4. Be in St. Peter’s Basilica for the election of a new Pope.

5. Write a book.

6. Gain self-confidence.

7. Meet JK Rowling and ask her why she killed off Hedwig and complain to her about killing Lupin and Tonks (never forgave her for those deaths…)

8. See London

9. Own a house on the Cape

10. Work up the courage to cut my hair super short (but still super girly and cute)

11. Learn to stop thinking so much about everything and just live.

12. Sit in a coffee shop just talking for hours with someone special

13. Fix my relationships with my parents and siblings

14. make enough money to buy cute heels that fit right and wont hurt my feet

15. be happy

16. buy a brand-new Buick

17. have a family of my own

18. learn to be patient

19. follow my dreams wherever they lead

and finally, number 20, the only one that really matters in the end

20. find love and don’t let it go for anything.

In a particularly “shippery” (meaning the main romantic relationship, or the “ship” of the show is a main focus) episode of Castle, Beckett is left a letter by the cop who trained her, which she receives upon his murder. In order to solve his murder, which Captain Montgomery orders her not to do, she takes time off from the NYPD and goes to investigate in LA. Unbeknownst to her, until her upgrades her from coach, Castle followed her to LA. As the episode progresses they come close to have “DTR” talk (define the relationship). Anyway, blabberings about my obsession aside. I’ve been thinking about one particular part of Royce’s letter a lot lately. The end of the episode shows Beckett and Castle flying back to New York, Castle fast asleep as Beckett reads the letter, whether for the first or hundredth time since she received it earlier in the episode. Royce, after explaining his questionable actions since ending working with Beckett goes on to dispell advice, advice I believe we should all take into account.

“Risking our hearts is the reason we’re alive. The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder ‘In only’”

In this instance the advice is meant to encourage Beckett to admit her feelings toward Castle. I think this is advice that we need to all take more seriously. Afraid to admit your feelings to your crush? Do it, the worst thing that can happen is that he says no, right? Beckett didn’t follow this advice and is now facing the consquences a season later, as Castle has seemingly given up on her. You don’t want to miss the chance at something wonderful because of a wall, or fear. Don’t be like Brennan in Bones (a new favorite of mine) and let logic and rational thinking and reason and past pain stop you from stepping into something great with a guy who everyone knows cares about you.

This advice might seem like it really mainly applies to love and matters of the heart, but it doesn’t have to, nor should it. Fear, and overly-rational thinking can stop you from doing many great things in life. Don’t let it. Jump in, take a risk. You may realize that its the greatest choice you ever made. Afraid to move on from the job you hate, to something that might fit better? Don’t be. Take the risk. Afraid to try a new food (trivial example, I’m aware). Why not? No one says you have to finish it if you hate it. Like the song says “It’s time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap!” (Bonus point for identifying the song)

I once read that its not the things we do in life that we rerget indefinitely, its the things we don’t do that haunt us. I can’t agree more. When I was in fourth grade I made the decision to quit gymnastics, something I was probably pretty good at, though I didn’t realize it at the time. I could have even gone somewhere with it, but I QUIT, and not even for a good reason. I gave up, and to this day I wish I had stuck it out longer, given it more of a chance. When I think about this decision I feel nothing but a deep sense of regret. I can’t help but wonder ‘If only’.

Don’t let yourself look back on your life in twenty years and wonder ‘If only’.